The New Death Battles
by Attorneyman
Summary: Hundreds of contestants come from around the globe to compete against they're supposed rivals. They're skills boundless, they're weapons powerful and they're strengths matched by no-one. He's Wiz and he's Boomstick and it's they're job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out which one of them would win a Death Battle


(Death Battle Theme)

Wiz: The raccoon. One of the most sneakiest creatures of all time.

Boomstick: And also one of the deadliest!

Wiz: And two raccoons have both fit this title. The sneaky thief: Sly Cooper.

Boomstick: And the Guardian of the Galaxy: Rocket Raccoon.

He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick...

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a death battle.

* * *

Wiz: Coming from a family history of Master Thieves Sly Cooper is the last remaining member of the Cooper Clan.

Boomstick: I know raccoons are thieves but master thieves?

Wiz: That's right. A master thief is someone who steals from other criminals. But his story starts out when he just a lad bouncing on his father's knee. He was about to inherrit the family book: The Thevious Raccoonus when he was attacked by the Fiendish Five. His father fought valiantly but he was ultimately killed in the end.

Boomstick: That must be traumatizing to a little kid.

Wiz: Growing up in an orphanage he met his friends and future teammates Bentley and Murrary and they've been stealing things and saving the world at the same time ever since.

Boomstick: Thieves who save the world? That's a first.

Wiz: His main weapon is his family cane passed down from his late father. With a few swings he's knocked plenty of guards and he can also pick pockets with it easily without being noticed. Years of training and natural ability passed down through the Cooper bloodline have given Sly vast agility, balance, and reflexes, allowing him to perform feats that few can equal. In addition, he has learned every ability detailed in the Thievius Raccoonus, including balancing on the tops of sharp points, rope and pole climbing, invisibility, swinging on hooks, and running on wires. His skills include parkour, gymnastics, pickpocketing, safecracking, mastery of disguise, time manipulation, and others.

Boomstick: Wow. That is a lot of skills for one raccoon.

Wiz: In summary Sly Cooper is a crafty thief and will do anything to get his target.

Boomstick: And now he's fighting a space raccoon who's a hero.

Sly Cooper: Crime? I haven't stolen anything... Yet.

* * *

Wiz: From a far off planet named Half-World, a planet populated by raccoons, the most adventurous and heroic is Rocket Raccoon.

Boomstick: This little guy is one bad dude, in a good way, considering he's a Guardian of the Galaxy.

Wiz: Rocket Raccoon is known as the 'Brains' of the Guardian's and plans out his every move. His intellgance is said to be boundless and that he even knows the secrets of the Galaxies.

Boomstick: ... That's one smart ass Raccoon.

Wiz: He's also a military tactics master and expert marksman specializing in weapons off all kinds...

Boomstick: From pistols to revolvers to assault rifles to shotguns to Gatling guns.

Wiz: And because he's a raccoon he has sharpened senses and above average vision.

Boomstick: I would not want to find this raccoon digging through my garbage.

Wiz: I should also point out that he's a master assassin and has many tactics to kill his enemies.

Boomstick: ... Suddenly I have the urge to sharpen my knife collection.

Rocket Raccoon: Now let's ROCK AND ROLL!

* * *

Wiz: The combatants are all pepped up and ready to battle.

Boomstick: And now let's get this Death Battle underway!

* * *

The night sky was shining on Paris and Sly jumped onto a rooftop and at the same time a space ship appeared and Rocket Raccoon jumped out of it drawing his laser pistol and Sly readied his cane.

FIGHT!

RR fired a couple blasts from his laser pistol but Sly dodged them. The master thief then threw a smoke bomb and reapeared behind RR and then tripped him with his cane. The space raccoon then got up and drew a revolver and pistol and started firing rounds towards Sly but found that he was nowhere to be seen. He then paced the battlefield with his guns gripped hard. Suddenly the master thief reapeared behind him and picked RR's pocket until he got a revolver and then pointed it at the space raccoon but suddenly RR's rocket feet activated sending him going up and then landing on his face and then he started swiping at Sly's face and then knocked him off the edge with him hanging on. RR then was about to step on it when Sly grabbed his cane and with a few hits he sent Rocket Raccoon over the edge where he fell hard onto the ground, snapping his neck.

KO!

* * *

Boomstick: Huh. My money was on the spacecoon.

Wiz: Although Rocket Raccoon has many tools up his sleeve Sly is much to fast and sneaky to be caught by Rocket Raccoon's bullets.

Boomstick: Plus he's Sly fucking Cooper. He can disappear making his enemies confused and guessing. Even a military geinus.

Wiz: So it's very clear that the winner of this Death Battle is Sly Cooper.


End file.
